Astounded

My mouth--
It's like all of my
words that went unsaid were just
wrung out and all
that was left was my
saliva, bittersweet and
milky
Fermenting in my stomach walls
It stings so much I need to shout--
clogging up my airways and I
cough and cough but they
won't
come
out

Criss Cross

Sometimes the strength it takes to hold a gaze
Rivals that of any strenuous;;
activity.
Yes, fear
dominates pain.
violet sky
swirls above and a thousand things could go
wrong
dignity and life
o
ppo
sites.
yes violet sky
swirls above and the lightning strikes
all around us
when will it hit
?
==charged
Billions of paths crisscross in
the air invisible but you can
hear them if you look closely enough at the
interlocking
eyes
And sometimes I feel like my path is all alone like
everyone else has
yes voilet sky
eye
lightning
tar and also
there was a cloud
but--
the lock is the
key

Instrumental

when best attack turns greatest foe


flickering eyes downcast
when everything you think you know

fast; now; or; go
slips out of reach slips
down
too
\low

<>>>

blue consumes all it finds
That is when the fire lights.

Elevator

Hidden tears slip away down
the rock facade
as I climb
but it's too slippery.
I will fall.

Synopsis

Stairs wrap around the mindset of the
Moment, Big stairs that are forever like stars the day was
a chalky red even though the sky was gray. And the woman
was a box and there was another
boy who has eyes like a shotgun and they both
smiled and walked away the
only
ones in the city that day

therearewaytoomanyfrickinpoemsaboutyouonthisblogandineedtogetovermyself

Through the week
It was a knife
stabbing slowly in and out
attempting to slow the beating of my heart, sawing
it in two, but only pretending to because I didn't even know. Still don't.
Through the month, it was fine, I was
Fine I was
Silly I thought it was through
But now it's two down, one to go, full count and
I don't think I
Can take the
Pressure
Especially since
the worst
part of this
irony is that
it was true every word of the song and the poem and it really is true there is a climax violent delights have violent ends leaves become most beautiful when they're about to die nothing gold can stay october was full of tears and rain and wan't it ironic that i left out august

Lightning is a quick flash resulting in unexciting ashes

Break sharp
through tar
hate bitter
turs in-
to nothing at all >hum< when
you repeat
it too much
the seasons change so fast sometimes
you know for a while it will be soup and snowpeople but after a week we'll be like dude where the hell did all the leaves go

The Versitality of Metal

Gone like the covers
Now everyone's cold
Gone like the curtains
Now the light is blinding
Gone like the butter
Tasteless
Like
A
Bird
chained
to
a
birdcage
even
if
the
door
is
open
he
will
never
ever
be
free

Underground System

Hey ya'll... reflection poem, I'm thinking? So feedback? Danke. :)

One of these days the world will crash
Oblivion
Boom
Done.
Political vehicles evacuate the politicians
And the people smart or scared enough to seek them out
There was too much following of followers following leads
So our Earth tried to follow the Sun to follow the trend but that's not the
Natural way of the solar system
So
Like I said,
Oblivion,
Boom,
story ends slowly then,
Ashes.
Life is smoke and tar and metal and gray, mostly
But before this happened
Maybe we should have considered the end.
Upheaval of the general public,
Together our efforts combine and twist, strengthing like roots underground,seeking water
In the fresh soil, extending deep and forming the foundation of our character.
No more puppet show,
Sorry kids.
We can save ourselves or we can
Save each other.

Flashfade

Step out
A door
And hair sent flying around the back of my head.
Finally, I see clear
For the sharp air chills me but
Moderates my thoughts
And puts them in order.
*Crunch* as I walk
Sharp crunches beneath my feet
Like crackling fire on a lonely night
But sharper.
Autumn is the sharpest season.
Sharp air, sharp sounds, sharp intake of breath, sharp pain.
Pavement
And also quiet
Quiet cutting through space.....
The blade approaches.
No use running, quiet always sneaks up.
Quiet has no speed
Silence isn't subjective, it just happens.,
Lampost, run faster, mailbox, cough, screen door slam, bare feet, no jacket.
Clouds above shrouding the dome of my world and eliminating outside fears
Curl up in the dark, "stay"... breathe.

(G)listen for a second

Gurgling black water
Pours over my head as I
Wonder
Why
This
Happened
Powerless before it, I
Step out of the car and walk into the dollar store
As the neon lights penetrate my soul and bring to the surface those fears which I
Dare not confront in the daylight.
Steps on pavement, growing ever more muffled by the crowds in my head suffering pain and making it mine, too.
Blink
Flash
Ding!
Are you looking for something, miss?

Ribbons

Our whole life we're told
To be nice.
Be kind.
But what if the favor is never returned?
What if one day all the kindness is slurped out of us
Through a straw of injustice, advantage, selfishness?
What if we can't play anymore?
Do we suffer the consuquences?
Or do we suffer them anyway?

Dark Chocolate Raspberry

"Hi"
"Hi"
"Chocalate"
"Why?"
"Because. The maps."
"Oh I know!"
No gaps.
;)

Strike

Music Box dancer please sing me a song
That will stick in my head
Cuz I got trouble with that
I got trouble
Trouble
Trou-ble with that.

Music box dancer please play me a tune
that will put me to sleep be-
cause reasons are keep-
ing me up
up
u-u-u-up.
Up up up up
Keeping me up.

Can you feel your heart ache,
Can you feel it
feel it break?
Can you feel your heart ache,
Can you feel it
feel it break?

Visions of time can you leave for a sec-
ond My heart breaks too easy I'm sad and I reck-
on that things
will be
this way for a while
While
While
Whi-i-i-ile.

Can you feel your heart ache?
Can you feel it
feel it break?
Don't
For-get
Don't
For-get
Don't
For-get
Dont
For-get
Don't
Don't
Don't
Don't
Don't
Don't
Don't...
Forget....
About......
Me.....
Please

If only we all got lost at the same time

Got out of my bed
Wrote a letter, I'd send it;
Just kidding this letter
will never be out in the world.

So I threw it away and continued my day as a
glorified student that does what she may
regret; does it matter as long we're patter-
ing pittering feet with a beat-
ing heart that takes part.

As I walk down these halls I'm boxed in by these walls
But I think to myself
One day.......

One day I'll see ships and one day I'll kiss lips but for now
I'll be walking through doors with an exit route
Exactly the same as the one that I entered through
Originality:
scarce
I think as I pair up with friends to discover
the truths already been found wish my hair was unbound
Because then I would sail away....

To gold and treasures
My very frail
Fairy tale
Spun from my head
I got out of my bed

[Insert Title Here]

Now I'm listening to pop
Eating peanut butter off a spoon
Dancing through my kitchen
Eating, listening
Peanut Butter, pop
And it's all due to you
That I don't have to be so strong all the time
Sad things are not the only meaningful things
If we really wanted to, we could make frizzy pigtails the hairdo of tomorrow
Swing, discover, explore, empower, love, laugh
Living is a verb that is past, present, and future.
If anyone asks what is true, tell them maybe Everything.
Write poems on post-it notes and post them everywhere.
What if everyone did that? It would be a beautiful world, full of feeling and understanding. And color and handwriting.
We could do it if we had no fear. :)
Who's with me?

MY Headphone.

Teardrop on the keyboard.
No--
teardropS
Nails are bitten. I never bite my nails.
I have no reason to be sad.
No reason.
None.
But still
I thought-
but now I I I
can't can't breathe
Whenh I thihitihnk
So I make moore shpelling misasdtakes.
October. What. depression. In the weather. And me and you well maybe not you but YOU yes depres. You know I'm not listening to your effing problems righrt nows., I'm writing a
POem!!!!!
Who knew I was a fortune teller?

Swing

Around us the trees
They sway, bend, and break
A million of the populace keep
Making all the same mistakes
A porch, a bench
A pumpkin
A sunset watched,
then unwatched
then missed
then... kissed
Another town...
Dead
Another town...
to bed
and thinking
Are we holding this world or can this world hold its own?
Can this playground be mastered by mere flesh and bone?

Green

Sew up you mouth
Then rip
off the stitches and
Bleed down your lip
Words slip
From your mouth.

Stitches

Gradually
[Like I don't even notice]
I begin
[Without meaning to?]
Forgetting.
Just Letting
Everything
Go.
Which is good!
Or no?
Erased from
Lists of
Problems
But when
its back
Well then
I'll know what I lack
And it will not be good
no, not good
I brood on whether
This weather
will pass
and if
Anything ever will
Last.
or i think
chain links
will they ever meet?
I'm beat.
Which path?
Calm then emotional wrath?
Or constant heart
Ache ?
Constant Partly-Awake?

DaGgeR

To be
Or not
to be
is NOT
in
deed! $
the
? question,
the
QUESTion ?! @
is 2 to
REMember #$
or
forGET.
To SLay X
or to
Leave be ~~
To remEMBER
the pain )
or to
DROWN *-_
in the
SweEt
lie ^
of
what had beEn'
for got ten
of What is {easy...

__ PO9sfn1afdkdsj9 sjkhaf1 sdafh0
-----Don;t
Forgewt
meewert
pleas ? = us +banister
old

I have a name and I take all the wrong chances

I have a name and I take all the wrong chances.
I have lots of great friends and one bad one.
I love to read but sometimes I think it might be easier if I didn't.
I'm always loud and I wish that I was either loud in a better way or quiet.
I like my eyes.
Sometimes I stay up late and read with a flashlight under the covers.
And sometimes I cry.
Sometimes I wish I was a dog, or a rabbit or mouse.
I would risk choking on my own words if it meant that I could put certain ones back into my mouth and let other ones flow out with more confidence than I posses.
I have been told that I am domineering, rude, and a bad friend.
I love romance movies and letters and blank pages.
I believe I may have been born into the wrong time period.
When I'm home alone I sing, and loud.
And when I sing I play. The piano. Songs.
And I make sure all the windows are closed.
I'm awkward around new people.
I hate change, except for paint colors on walls, they don't bother me really.
I think I overreact, but I don't know if other people think I do. I hope they don't because I can't stand people who are melodramatic.
I know people who know me but don't understand me. I have friends who do both.
And someone out there understands me but doesn't know me.
And the one thing I would actually go for in life is not in a position to be gone for.
And today I decided I'm tired of being strong.

Absence

It's a long awaited freedom but also a sadness
It's terror and crying but also it's gladness
This feeling is new but I'm glad that I feel it
And you can only control it when you know how to deal it
So take a few lessons on being a cardshark
But whatever you do don't play guns in the dark.
Because ready or not, all gifts leave a mark.

Mortal Mask

I think I should start referring to you as them
Since you seem to have trouble settling on a personality.
But, then, I'm not one to be lecturing....
I play the same game as you.
We all do.
It was the kind of building that was so medical and quiet that even the slightest whisper would have caused people to stare. It made her want to shout and defy. It also made her want to hide in the shadows and never speak again.
No one's ever been the conversation initiator like that. I'm always the question asker.
You have a decent reply to everythig.
It's crazy.
The mirror showed her herself, with rosy cheeks from the bonfire, tearstained. Her face was broken in half, two separate identities. Her right grinned maniacally back at her, the smile accompanied by gashes on her cheek bleeding freely. Deep, dark, thick, deceptive, insane. Left side, mouth was frozen open with a sob (never spoken). Eyes narrowed, glinting, dangerous. Jaw set. In the middle of her mouth her face contorted disgustingly, the price of indecision.

Window Rap

2 AM
You listen to
The songs of city tower blues
And also you try hard to stay awake for opportunity
Of night and day and brain and others' unity unity.
Cuz the room is bathed in slate
And you stayed up very late
And you're still up very late
Or maybe early
It is curly
Yes it is
the singer's hair
To whom you're listening
The pavement's glistening
In streetlamp light of suburbia
I guess at heart I'm a country girl
Butdoesn'tpartofyaalwaysyearrrnnfornewyokecitayyyy????
Forthosecreepydawlllls?????
Inthewindowsoftheresawwwwsss?????
BecuzyestadayIseensomeladylookinatmeouthercitywindowandIsayIwannabelikeherwiththeoldapartmentandmaybeshehasneighborsshedon'tlikebutundastandsemanywayandlistenstotheirthoughtwhilesippincheapteafromthemarketthatshewalkedtoyestadayandalsoboughtdishwashingliquidtobeusedforaverysinistauselay-taawnn????
Maybayyshegotsumthininher'partmentshedon'twantnobodytosee.

Summary

double canvas paves the compass needle swinging, cuts my world
in half and tick tick time is singing look at how events unfurled
map frame doesn't seem to cut it, no, you must put on a show
girl dance for us and we will judge your skills do nothing, then we go
for ice cream's good but bread is better but not with butter not with butter
up we swing till our universe dings to show its ready for our lies.

August

September
The busy
revel in
the rush
October
The lonely
weep in
the rain
November
We all
Try hard to give thanks
Through the bitter cold
Though the fire smold-
ers
Though we're getting old-
er.
Decemeber
She sees
her breath
On the
Win-dow-sill
Jan-
Uary
unwanted
fee-
lings in him
fester still.
Feb...ruary
we know the stor-
y from ano-
ther poem
So what if the ink spills on our page and we can't write of how we sob?
Or..
what if we don't want to remember how our hearts throb....
Each time we sing
Of March
And of parades in the morning
Recalling the harsh
Double whistle ding bang tick tock Ring.
April we stand on our porches and won-
der
How strange it is when one thing causes ano-
ther
to o-
ccer.
tis human...

you know,

to
err.
SaidHeToHer.
May brings
the factory smoke,
TheBrokenGlass,
in the window panes of
that old sweatshop/department store
So tell me
Call you tell me
What in June we are fighting
for?
So yeah
the geraniums which
all the neighbors
have.
they bloom and turn
grey
in my crazy dreamland way.
July
I found a closet
with ballet costumes
It was a green
Car-pet-ed room
and I barely even remember...
so it might have been ....
September
The busy
Revel in the rush...

internal workings

Guess what?
(What?)
Oh, you know, you're inside my head.
(You're getting excited over nothing)
So what?
(Nothing's going to come of this)
You're no fun.
(Life isn't always fun)
Well I can at least tell some people...
(Keep your mouth shut for once in your life)
......You know my greatest fear, then?
(Yes, and I agree)
But--
(He probably has a girlfriend)
I could knock her out of the picture in a second!
(Don't let this go to your head)
Yeah, well, all's fair in love and war...
(You've never even liked that saying)
It never applied to me. It's different now.
(Nothing's different)
Don't you get it? It's fate.
(No, it's desperation causing your mind to assume destiny out of a small coincidence.)
Oh, shut up.

Diminishing

Water droplets from the once-green ripe wild cherries hang by a thread
The wheelbarrow (black, this time) conquered by the invasive vine is slowly being crushed
The grass is like fall, like colors this time around
And I still don't know who I am.
But the sugar-plant still reaches tall and grows at amazing rates,
And the breeze is still light and calming and enlivening, though....
I still yearn to climb the strong cherry tree.
You know what I'm talking about.
Don't you?
The small treeling that yearned to grow with me when I was younger has been wrapped and choked by the reeds.
We tried to save it, yes, but it endeed up being a choice between it or me.
And who would rather save a tree?
So it is dead and gray but yet I live...
Reminded suddenly of the horrible beauty of this world.

Justice

1
2
3
4
No.
Stop.

Evidence

I cannot hide from them

Oh, no.

The winters pass

The wind

The snow.

And every

body

that I

know

Forgot

A lot

And on

They go

But I

do not

I tot-

ter here

on mountain-top

With risk

With fear

If fall do I

Then by-the-by

The breeze will sigh

You'll cover

your eyes

And

every

body

that I know

forgot

A lot

and on

they go.

Rotten

So what you do is this:
You gather all the missing parts of you
That you can find
And you search the inside of yourself
For things you can do without
Somewhat
And you take those out and place them with the former
And polish them up good
And you put them on a shelf for the world to see
And it's okay that you're hollow
And it's okay if you can't feel no more
Because at least people know who you are......
And what you've done.
And though it hasn't happened yet
Trust me, people will stop
And look
And say, hey, she's great!
Trust me
Even though it hasn't happened yet
It will
You just
Have
To keep
Waiting?

Phoenix

Do
You
Know
What's it's like
To want something so badly
That you're willing
To........
I'm tired of all this
All this running and trying and
I wish
I wish for fairy houses
And tree swings
When I'm by myself
But nothing can ever be like that again
Never the same
Until a fire burns it all to the ground
And we are reborn from the ashes
Just as naive as the first time around
And I ached for it all
Oh so very much.......
So I set the fire.
Do you understand?

Clatter and Buzz

Ah dunno
Maybe
I'll wash the
Dishes
Tomorrow and
Help to start
Ending what started my thinking as a
Circular kind of thing
Hope, honey,
Always hope, and turn the lights
On and
Sleep.

Bliss

I think that tomorrow the world's gonna end
And half the population won't hear because they've got their earphones in
And they'll look around because they hear a faint rumb-a-ling
But they won't take their earphones out because they like a little tumb-a-ling
In their minds, a little figuring
To guide
Their thoughts like ticker tape
On a reel.
They like to feel a little helpless, maybe
Believe me when I say this, baby
That of the half that aren't blindly wondering
At least a quarter of them will be blundering
To save their money
And maybe an eigth will be in the bathroom
And not want to run out to save themselves
because of their personal modesty
They'll run their mind over the honesty
Of their life And spend
Their last few seconds reveiwing start to end
All the things that have already happened.
I think that tomorrow the world's gonna end

Lost Things

Tweed coat of paint brush your hair tie your shoe store your book mark a word process thought
Never stop

Self..... what, exactly?

This hanger
In my closet
Pure deposit
It just hangs

Nothing on this hanger
This head banger
It just hangs

And its metal
Oh its metal
Yes its metal
And it hurts

It perfect
It precisely
What it takes to help exert

All
My......

Ugh.

Sprinkler

tikatokatikatokatikatokatikatokatikatoka
Preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Is this really my life?

One hundred

One
Second

Eight
Words
"I have a few things to tell you..."
All is changed
And
All is changed
Just like
th
at
And you get a
chill
And your heart does a
thrill
But its not the good kind
of thrill
Its that kind of thrill you get when something absolutely unbelievably horrible is happening
Its that kind of thrill you only get for someone else
I will now shed a tear
Maybe one
Probably one hundred
I need you
Dont leave.

Tears

I dont cry because I'm lying
I cry because you dont listen
I cry because you dont care that I'm crying
Or why
You punish
for this involuntary function of sadness
And its not fair
And I keep it all in
But one of these days I'm going to crack and tell you all the things about which I've held my tongue for the past thirteen years
Listen.
Have I ever lied?
Not counting all the times you only think I'm lying?
The answer is no.
You dont see why I dont feel comfortable telling you things
Its because Im afraid
And thats not right
I shouldn't feel this way
We should be close.
Listen for the sound of the sobs of your child
And take the time to care why they are occurring.

Chemical Properties

These papers, man
Lets burn all these papers
Cuz paper
ya paper is
flam-a-ble
paper can burn
so lets burn it
and watch it
lets watch it disintegrate
crumbling
crackling
hating and we spitting

and growing and growing

til we all burn, man

lets all burn, man

hey look how much we can do

let's burn those paperes

Loose Change

On my dresser
Ya my dresser
Lies a crinkled
dollar
bill
dollar
bob
dollar
fred
some change, too
some change would be good
and it jingle jingles in your
po-cket
change change
burns a hole
they say
in your pocket
well change
change change
burns a hole in my heart
ba-boom
ba-boom
boom-ba-doom
But if I let the festering flesh heal over
and keep burning and
burning again
the fire
the heat
the breathing
the coughing
the pain
is the life
that we've made
and we're all so sweet smiles
in our hot burning pain
we lie and we slap
and hey
we can walk, too,
ya hey, we can walk...
and we can cook and
we can sing and write
and play and work
so hey, put us to work cuz you can
but we can't do one thing
just one.
we can't live

We can so we should

in school ya they're all so intent on the numbers
the numbers
the numbers
they should just teach the words
the words
and what they mean mean
because we're dying and killing and crying and thrilling
their response is lets teach them some more about the
nuclear weapons
the chemicals chemicals
the blooooooodshed
the horrors
lets leave the creative stuff to the
weirdos the weirdos
we'll fund all the microscopes
we'll fund all the cal-cu-lators
we'll fund all the bombs
we'll fund the machines ya
we'll breed all the monsters
ya we'll do that
lets do that
we'll do that
because we can

The Gift

I dont want to
she says
pppplease
please
she doesnt
she said so
she'd rather stay
home
herself
comfortable
sheltered
she'd rather cheat
than to recieve the gift of life
the test of life
the test
that we are tested on
that is lalalalallaalifeeeeee
is a gift
ever
REALLY
a gift??? (she added fervently, well why dont you tell us all why not, then)
and to herself (she murmered, I will. You'll see at the end)
Because herself was the one asking
and herself was the one answering as well
she wouldve asked someone else
but
no
she wouldve had a deep conversation, yes
she would have
yes
but
she wanted to see what her own mind held
before
daring to even bother with others
yes
it would be better
much better
better
to first ask herself
this question..... (what was the question?)
but was it
was it indeed a gift?????????
(BLASPHEMY!!!!)
no
it is called
thought
blasphemy is what the afraid call an open mind
yes
this is true
she said so
she pondered
no gift is ever really a gift
unless------ the definition of gift changed with the first ponderance
(is that a word well i dont care if it isnt so you will have to deal with it)
but no
because gifts only ruin (she said with gusto to herself)
gifts spoil and ruin, thats all they do (herself said matter of factly to herself)----
But then (her other self retorted)
what about BABIES??????
babies are gifts
love is a gift
life is a gift (is it)
do babies and love
do they spoil people
(WELL DO THEY???)
no
so
the
honest
answer
is
of course
honest

Lady Liberty

Hood pulled over head
You slouch across the street
The sound of cars horns blaring
A resonating beat.

It worms itself into your heart
And makes you want to scream
For mercy, justice, happiness,
A chance to live your dream.

The picture slowly fades
Of joy and parity
Until you’re just left standing
Left standing there to see

The vile, wretched mess we’ve made
Of Lady Liberty
Those stars and stripes have changed to strife
And sad despondency

What used to be a Yankee
Is now just called a hood
Left wandering till midnight
For a chance to be understood

How could we let it come to this?
We fought a bloody war
To end unfairness, hunger, wrong
We suffered, and what for?

Perhaps those scars will never heal
Perhaps that’s part of living
But part of you will always wonder
How much is slowly giving

Until we collapse?

Counting Blessings

Life is nothing without friends
Friends
Who know you and care about you
The kind you dont deserve
Friends
The kind that understand you and can talk to you for hours
And are too nice for their own good
Friends
The kind that can make you feel amazing or make you want to slap them
Or just tell them that you're not the only one who has a problem with them
Or the kind that are just going to be great and beautiful people that make you feel priveledged to be chosen as their friend
But dont even know you think that, which is of course the best part
Friends who gossip with you about people with whom they gossip about you
But it doesnt matter because you're such good friends
Friends, the kind who roll their eyes and dont listen but then ask you why you never tell them what goes on in your life....
Its because they're too caught up in themselves to listen or care or see your side
Friends whose little sisters like to be given piggyback rides
Friends whose little brothers are pretty cool
Friends who are guys and act like they're cool to impress you half the time and the other half pretty much forget you're a girl
But can always listen to anything you feel like blabbering to them and still like you because girls just blabber and it cant be helped
Friends who dont know you're their friends
Friends by coincidence
People you thought were more than friends but in fact you actually didnt like them that way
And once you realized that and got over all your jealousy and shakiness around them turned out to be great guy friends
Friends who bake and read and are kick butt athletes and friends who are really just your family
Friends who sunbathe with you on driveways and make crazy jokes in hot tubs at 10pm
Who you've spent more time with than your parents all summer
Friends who play tennis with you and then jump in the pool and then lay on the deck and eat pretzels
Friends with whom everything is funnier on the ride home
Or at 2am
Friends who annoy the crap out of you
Friends who you could spend all week with and be completely sick of but still somehow want to spend more time with
Friends who do everything with you
Friends that have made you unable to think of what to do when they are not home
And in fact, just drove in their black Kia Sportage, up their driveway
So I'm going to go now
Friends, all of whom make life worthwhile

For a Close Friend

When she heard them, she shook them off
She told herself she didn't care
That she knew it was the truth anyway...
But at night, the world went quiet
The distractions of daytime activities had kept her sane
But now there was only dark and silence and time
Time to let those four words sink in
Time to admit to herself that she had allowed hope to enter her mind and make itself falsely comfortable
Time to cry...
At least it broke the silence.
Those four words ran down deeper and deeper
The longer she didn't tell anyone about how badly she had been hurt
They seeped into her skin and blood
Entered her heart til it throbbed with the pain of unspoken words
Slithered into her mind,no matter how hard she tried to keep them out, show them they were unwelcome
But they didnt hear
They werent listening
They heard her
But they didnt hear her
Those four words became all she thought about
It was unhealthy
To dwell on her sadness
But it was easier than trying to love again
Then... on a sudden urge
She told
She told her friends, her family, her cat, her favorite tree....
And then, those words had a different effect on her
They fueled her
They pumped motivation into her soul
Made her small body strong
Brought color to her cheeks
Brought her laughter to surface once more
And she became determined to show him how sorry he was
Determined to prove him wrong
She would never change herslef for anyone
Her heart had broken
But the process of allowing something to heal is the strongest medicine you can take

Cranberries

I'm sitting here eating dried cranberries
Wishing I could be anywhere else
But unfortunately I'm stuck in this world
Typing this stupid paper, paper

I'm listening to a song sung by a girl
With an awesome English accent
And I have to admit I was kind of inspired
And I think she'd maybe sing this

Yeah I like music and cranberries
And I like making stone houses for fairies
During the summer when no one is watching
But my friends who are all just as weird

Because yes, I am human and humans like cranberries
It's a fact of nature
Now there are cranberry stains on my fingers
And there will be on this paper, paper

Now I'm talking to my friend on the phone
And she thinks this song is stupid that I'm writing
But really I quite like it really a lot
Because of the way it really goes, goes

Because yes, I am human and humans like cranberries
It's a fact of nature
Now there are cranberry stains on my fingers
And there will be on this paper, paper

Note: anyone who knows Kate Nash, this was written to be sung to the tune of Foundations. :) But whatever.

Wishes, Ramblings and Complaints

I don't like to have to spirint too far
And I don't like apple crisp granola bars
But I like to stare up at the stars
And I wouldn't mind driving in a Big Red Car

Heavy metal isn't quite my cup of tea
I'm not a fan of being something I don't want to be
But something I enjoy is swimming in the sea
And I really really like it when you talk to me

I get a little sad when there's zucchini on my plate
I'm not the type who likes to just sit quietly and wait
But pretending to be English and calling someone "mate"
I like along with staying up really really late

There's quite a bit about the world I think is poo
Monkeys shouldn't have to be in cages at the zoo
But I'm pretty sure there's not too much they could put me through
That I'd complain about if I was standing next to you. :)
<3

Bravery by Drug

I am setting myself up for complete disaster
Projecting myself head-on into total risk of heartbreak
Making myself so vulnerable......
But I can't help it
It's just you.
You're my high.
I'm completely addicted.
I know it would be better for me to forget about you
Forget about anyone, really
Stop the madness of these insane feelings
All at once
But I know I'd just keep coming back
And I'd rather not disappoint myself by not being able to quit.
But does not giving you up make me a bad person?
Does loving the feel of adrenaline coursing through my veins when you say my name,
Pricking my awareness whenever you utter a single word,
Putting myself through this sick paranoia when I'm around you because in a weird way it feels good...
Does that make me obsessed? Overdramatic? Ill? Crazy?
Or does that show my strength and courage?
Throwing myself into this even though I am fully aware I might get hurt...
Because the opposite result is what we aim for in life?
Is, essentially, the meaning of life?
Is the meaning of my name?
All of the above
None of the below
All
Nothing
Maybe.
We'll find out soon enough.

Stones

The stones sit at my feet, the power they hold incomprehensible. No one really gets it. As they roll, I see my life flash before my eyes. I see my mistakes, hopes, fears, broken promises, lost dreams, all spin before me in a quick clatter.
I believe those stones.
They can't afford to lie. Their ties to my life are too strong to be broken, within them is everything I keep inside.
But I can talk to those stones, in my head. They sense the complexities no one else seems to care about but me, they observe alongside me the shadows and creases in the puzzlements of human behavior and give me counsel when I require wisdom.
One day we will be older and we will find them, you and I, in a secret place overgrown with grasses and weeds and vines, the bitter smell of summer poisoning our thoughts till we see only each other and think only of the beautiful mysteries the universe holds.
Once again the sun will beat down, warming my soft dark hair, tanning your lovely, lovely face.
I will tell you abou those stones.
Maybe you'll understand.
I cling to the hope that you will be older and you will understand.
That one day someone might understand.
That one day someone will be begging me to understand.
Because I'm tired of all my silent pleading.
You would be too, if I ever told you about it.