Blanket

When I was born you were there in the cradle
I saw stripes of yellow with you by my side
And when moon came and scooped up the room like a ladle
She took you along for the ride
I've known you longer than anyone else
So long I don't know how to be only myself
You are the truest friend I've ever known
So true my body cannot hold me all on its own
When I was sick you were there at the table
I'll never forget how you looked in my eyes
But there's something in me that has got to be able
To see myself from the inside out
I've loved you longer than anyone else
So long I don't know how to love only myself
You are the realest soul I've ever known
Real enough that I think it's becoming my own
We walked past the yard sales in quiet contemplation
You turn me to child with the way that you cling
So despite the high prices, the signs of inflation
I decided to buy everything
I tired the stuffed bear and I tried the guitar
But they didn't feel right sitting next to my heart
So I turn back to you but you've lost all your shine
Oh, it's starting to feel like you aren't even mine
Still, you are the truest friend I've ever known
So I've got to destroy you and no one must know
See I've worn you right down to the skin and the bone
I love you but I've got to learn to be alone.
But when I was sick
You were there.

There are Infinite Doors Behind You and You Can Never Turn Around

There are no mistakes, only linearity

Time is a made up thing but so are we

(of carbon)

it’s true; I love those rules I can’t break

I love gravity, blood, inertia;

Don’t use them.

No mistakes, only operation, the universe

Is not against you, it is simply working.

I’m working, too, Just today I was breathing, inhaling the fuel for my mind town, Yeah

You’re a real character, wait, no

You’re the whole playground of still figures that need your air

Don’t feel lonely; you do invent people in your dreams.

And they owe you everything.

How frustrating that they don’t believe you exist.

Understandably, they cannot see your face from the inside of your mind, but they should

Worship better. They only invent. God is a dream guy made up by women who looked strange when they stood up straight.

Yeah. I wish he was real, too. 

Ego Ft. A Dramatic Performance from Andromeda

I wasn’t here the last time the stars lined up to light a perfect path, when moving fingers became articulate,

When closure.

But I’m here now, and I’ve come

To ruin your piano words with my candidness and my unpracticed vague

Close off, small galaxy, bubble from your black hole into a lost dimension.

I get spit on by passers by, it feels like they’re trying to speak to me, to

Spit out a little of that place from the dimensions in their mouths, to speckle me black

Take me back, passer by, lullaby of my life,

Whole me.

At four I stepped onto new sidewalk I swear to God

that what’s lighting my world is different-

Tell me this isn’t how everyone feels.

Only intelligent falls in love really,

Only idiot knows forever.

Others have wrapped hands, smaller features, better stares, and a wool hat.

Those who claim winter are remembering their frigid origin

Cold, dust, space, timeliness.

I must have been the first speck of timeless dust to feel nostalgic.

It would just figure.

Our Mansion

I would never burn my secret poems for the sake of being artistic.

What’s the use of destroying something artfully?

What’s the use of something no one can know?

You used to open small windows,

To emit fractional bits of dust and air, I assumed

I would sneak in while you were out to supper and rifle through your drawers,

And pick your suit pockets.

We’d gather around a candled table with cultured people and zone out during our prayers;

It’s strange how I’m always alone when I’m with you.

Love isn’t written in the dark, love isn’t written in virtual ink spills

Love isn’t written on your face but I look at it anyway,

And I think that says a lot.

I think I say a lot, I think I’ve said so much I’ve nearly forgotten it all,

I say less than I think, I think

Of the broken windows that were shoveled into spectacles, I think I see you there

I go through your things as you rifle the neighbors, I shuffle the chiffon curtains and they shove into lines, there

There my love, you’ve learned nothing is divine.

You’ve learned so much from the chalkboard at school

I erased you a few months ago but the children kept saying your name under their breath, through their necks

The ice cream man sang you through his window. the canaries stared you through their cages.

I couldn’t stand the fine hum.

The neighbors began to sing, or whistle, I shot

Down the stairs and the dinner guest was drinking vodka into its lullaby,

Singing an old war song, sawing away at memories

My mother played the violin early in life, my sister is waiting to be seen,

Truthfully I never thought I’d make it past sixteen.

The neighbors moved three years ago, that’s right

I decided the curtains were neat and ugly

You have new pens in your pockets and new ties to match

It’s a different fall, I’m a different you, somehow, love, don’t you see-

Everything has changed.

(But that doesn’t change anything)

Chair

We are sitting in a Chinese restaurant. We ordered at the counter and then we sat here.
I have nothing to say but I start talking anyway. I start
Asking what you’ve done since I saw you last.
We tell each other what we’ve done since we saw each other
Last.
Obsession is too Roman for us, Vanity is too Hollywood
We can look into each other’s eyes whenever we like.
Face to face I can’t appreciate because
I only miss when I’m alone.
Do you understand what a beautiful creature I am do you love me enough to keep it a secret to leak it
Onto the floor and say you don’t know how the fire began and trust that I will understand
Well that’s the way I’d like it done
closed door lit by setting sun, anyone can respect the well kept
And giving just enough is an art, when taming an animal it is important to withhold some reward;
It will hate you and worship you mildly.
It won’t steal it; no one will steal what they can earn from someone they relate to
This way, the day the sun rises on the opposite side of the Earth you are bathed in the dawn of creation
And who can appreciate waking as equals more
Than lonely master and carnivore

Healer

I feel it in my throat and nose; a dry hate
In my coughs and sniffles and spit into a bowl of oranges, your tangerines have no place in my sky
Your lense was always too innocent; you have the lashes of a child
Staring at me, confused, as I administer the tests and the shots
I’ve never liked kids.
I think I hate you, when you smile I choke, when you kiss I cry
You breath I retch, I hate everyone you touch, so much, so much
You were shaking when you told me you would do anything for me and
I was held in that moment by your eyes, almost angry
Taken back to the moment of vaccination
I’m still trying to get a reaction.
I get tangled in the sidewalks I avoid and I bathe in the light of lampposts in other towns
I have affairs with my parasites;
It’s a different kind of whoring than yours.
You’ve kissed twelve people and I’ve loved two
And no one can see you the way I do.

February today

What's happening
To me I am not the person I used to be I have
realized
What I do some people beg you to hate yourself because no one is perfect some people
Beg you
To love yourself because sadness is a sin
I have him
I watch the children play now I watch and do not listen
Do not listen to the wind do not listen to your mother
do not,
do curl,
up in arms underwater ask no questions
tell, dance on stage naked you never learned the steps laugh loud enough they will look past your spotlight self,
or so I hope.

Okay

This was the climax I never got
I can tell because the clouds clear as I move down the mountain
I look more selfish from down here but I can breathe so much easier
My mom was being unhelpful, asking if you’d called and if I cared and underestimating the perpetuating state I was in,
I was in, one month in, a little more, wondering, hope there are no corners because I don’t trust myself with mirrors anymore,
Just another cliché 1 am poem, just a little different this time,
A little nicer, and I don’t know everything at all.