hill

You feel you deserve love but never

Your own and mostly

When you don’t

The floor and ceiling are sticky with dust

And guilty fantasies and fantasies

About being guilty

And a baseball glove

On your dresser passively

Catches sunlight

I remember you by the objects that sat for months

Watching you try to fall asleep

Water bottle and lunch box and toilet paper

And me itchy in your sheets

Another inanimate cheerleader

I remember you

By the dust that you disturbed

Moving through ordained clutter

Immovable as the wisdom buried in your belly

matryoshka

I am the whole set of dolls

All at once

for you

I’ve been

Carefully plucking flowers from

My belly

Each year

Let’s pay them no mind

They are all locked inside

The graying sunlight

And the grass

And me

And they are all right here

In your arms already-

All of the characters I have harvested from my heart

That ever loved anyone else.