For a Close Friend

When she heard them, she shook them off
She told herself she didn't care
That she knew it was the truth anyway...
But at night, the world went quiet
The distractions of daytime activities had kept her sane
But now there was only dark and silence and time
Time to let those four words sink in
Time to admit to herself that she had allowed hope to enter her mind and make itself falsely comfortable
Time to cry...
At least it broke the silence.
Those four words ran down deeper and deeper
The longer she didn't tell anyone about how badly she had been hurt
They seeped into her skin and blood
Entered her heart til it throbbed with the pain of unspoken words
Slithered into her mind,no matter how hard she tried to keep them out, show them they were unwelcome
But they didnt hear
They werent listening
They heard her
But they didnt hear her
Those four words became all she thought about
It was unhealthy
To dwell on her sadness
But it was easier than trying to love again
Then... on a sudden urge
She told
She told her friends, her family, her cat, her favorite tree....
And then, those words had a different effect on her
They fueled her
They pumped motivation into her soul
Made her small body strong
Brought color to her cheeks
Brought her laughter to surface once more
And she became determined to show him how sorry he was
Determined to prove him wrong
She would never change herslef for anyone
Her heart had broken
But the process of allowing something to heal is the strongest medicine you can take

Cranberries

I'm sitting here eating dried cranberries
Wishing I could be anywhere else
But unfortunately I'm stuck in this world
Typing this stupid paper, paper

I'm listening to a song sung by a girl
With an awesome English accent
And I have to admit I was kind of inspired
And I think she'd maybe sing this

Yeah I like music and cranberries
And I like making stone houses for fairies
During the summer when no one is watching
But my friends who are all just as weird

Because yes, I am human and humans like cranberries
It's a fact of nature
Now there are cranberry stains on my fingers
And there will be on this paper, paper

Now I'm talking to my friend on the phone
And she thinks this song is stupid that I'm writing
But really I quite like it really a lot
Because of the way it really goes, goes

Because yes, I am human and humans like cranberries
It's a fact of nature
Now there are cranberry stains on my fingers
And there will be on this paper, paper

Note: anyone who knows Kate Nash, this was written to be sung to the tune of Foundations. :) But whatever.

Wishes, Ramblings and Complaints

I don't like to have to spirint too far
And I don't like apple crisp granola bars
But I like to stare up at the stars
And I wouldn't mind driving in a Big Red Car

Heavy metal isn't quite my cup of tea
I'm not a fan of being something I don't want to be
But something I enjoy is swimming in the sea
And I really really like it when you talk to me

I get a little sad when there's zucchini on my plate
I'm not the type who likes to just sit quietly and wait
But pretending to be English and calling someone "mate"
I like along with staying up really really late

There's quite a bit about the world I think is poo
Monkeys shouldn't have to be in cages at the zoo
But I'm pretty sure there's not too much they could put me through
That I'd complain about if I was standing next to you. :)
<3

Bravery by Drug

I am setting myself up for complete disaster
Projecting myself head-on into total risk of heartbreak
Making myself so vulnerable......
But I can't help it
It's just you.
You're my high.
I'm completely addicted.
I know it would be better for me to forget about you
Forget about anyone, really
Stop the madness of these insane feelings
All at once
But I know I'd just keep coming back
And I'd rather not disappoint myself by not being able to quit.
But does not giving you up make me a bad person?
Does loving the feel of adrenaline coursing through my veins when you say my name,
Pricking my awareness whenever you utter a single word,
Putting myself through this sick paranoia when I'm around you because in a weird way it feels good...
Does that make me obsessed? Overdramatic? Ill? Crazy?
Or does that show my strength and courage?
Throwing myself into this even though I am fully aware I might get hurt...
Because the opposite result is what we aim for in life?
Is, essentially, the meaning of life?
Is the meaning of my name?
All of the above
None of the below
All
Nothing
Maybe.
We'll find out soon enough.

Stones

The stones sit at my feet, the power they hold incomprehensible. No one really gets it. As they roll, I see my life flash before my eyes. I see my mistakes, hopes, fears, broken promises, lost dreams, all spin before me in a quick clatter.
I believe those stones.
They can't afford to lie. Their ties to my life are too strong to be broken, within them is everything I keep inside.
But I can talk to those stones, in my head. They sense the complexities no one else seems to care about but me, they observe alongside me the shadows and creases in the puzzlements of human behavior and give me counsel when I require wisdom.
One day we will be older and we will find them, you and I, in a secret place overgrown with grasses and weeds and vines, the bitter smell of summer poisoning our thoughts till we see only each other and think only of the beautiful mysteries the universe holds.
Once again the sun will beat down, warming my soft dark hair, tanning your lovely, lovely face.
I will tell you abou those stones.
Maybe you'll understand.
I cling to the hope that you will be older and you will understand.
That one day someone might understand.
That one day someone will be begging me to understand.
Because I'm tired of all my silent pleading.
You would be too, if I ever told you about it.