Stitches

Gradually
[Like I don't even notice]
I begin
[Without meaning to?]
Forgetting.
Just Letting
Everything
Go.
Which is good!
Or no?
Erased from
Lists of
Problems
But when
its back
Well then
I'll know what I lack
And it will not be good
no, not good
I brood on whether
This weather
will pass
and if
Anything ever will
Last.
or i think
chain links
will they ever meet?
I'm beat.
Which path?
Calm then emotional wrath?
Or constant heart
Ache ?
Constant Partly-Awake?

DaGgeR

To be
Or not
to be
is NOT
in
deed! $
the
? question,
the
QUESTion ?! @
is 2 to
REMember #$
or
forGET.
To SLay X
or to
Leave be ~~
To remEMBER
the pain )
or to
DROWN *-_
in the
SweEt
lie ^
of
what had beEn'
for got ten
of What is {easy...

__ PO9sfn1afdkdsj9 sjkhaf1 sdafh0
-----Don;t
Forgewt
meewert
pleas ? = us +banister
old

I have a name and I take all the wrong chances

I have a name and I take all the wrong chances.
I have lots of great friends and one bad one.
I love to read but sometimes I think it might be easier if I didn't.
I'm always loud and I wish that I was either loud in a better way or quiet.
I like my eyes.
Sometimes I stay up late and read with a flashlight under the covers.
And sometimes I cry.
Sometimes I wish I was a dog, or a rabbit or mouse.
I would risk choking on my own words if it meant that I could put certain ones back into my mouth and let other ones flow out with more confidence than I posses.
I have been told that I am domineering, rude, and a bad friend.
I love romance movies and letters and blank pages.
I believe I may have been born into the wrong time period.
When I'm home alone I sing, and loud.
And when I sing I play. The piano. Songs.
And I make sure all the windows are closed.
I'm awkward around new people.
I hate change, except for paint colors on walls, they don't bother me really.
I think I overreact, but I don't know if other people think I do. I hope they don't because I can't stand people who are melodramatic.
I know people who know me but don't understand me. I have friends who do both.
And someone out there understands me but doesn't know me.
And the one thing I would actually go for in life is not in a position to be gone for.
And today I decided I'm tired of being strong.

Absence

It's a long awaited freedom but also a sadness
It's terror and crying but also it's gladness
This feeling is new but I'm glad that I feel it
And you can only control it when you know how to deal it
So take a few lessons on being a cardshark
But whatever you do don't play guns in the dark.
Because ready or not, all gifts leave a mark.

Mortal Mask

I think I should start referring to you as them
Since you seem to have trouble settling on a personality.
But, then, I'm not one to be lecturing....
I play the same game as you.
We all do.
It was the kind of building that was so medical and quiet that even the slightest whisper would have caused people to stare. It made her want to shout and defy. It also made her want to hide in the shadows and never speak again.
No one's ever been the conversation initiator like that. I'm always the question asker.
You have a decent reply to everythig.
It's crazy.
The mirror showed her herself, with rosy cheeks from the bonfire, tearstained. Her face was broken in half, two separate identities. Her right grinned maniacally back at her, the smile accompanied by gashes on her cheek bleeding freely. Deep, dark, thick, deceptive, insane. Left side, mouth was frozen open with a sob (never spoken). Eyes narrowed, glinting, dangerous. Jaw set. In the middle of her mouth her face contorted disgustingly, the price of indecision.

Window Rap

2 AM
You listen to
The songs of city tower blues
And also you try hard to stay awake for opportunity
Of night and day and brain and others' unity unity.
Cuz the room is bathed in slate
And you stayed up very late
And you're still up very late
Or maybe early
It is curly
Yes it is
the singer's hair
To whom you're listening
The pavement's glistening
In streetlamp light of suburbia
I guess at heart I'm a country girl
Butdoesn'tpartofyaalwaysyearrrnnfornewyokecitayyyy????
Forthosecreepydawlllls?????
Inthewindowsoftheresawwwwsss?????
BecuzyestadayIseensomeladylookinatmeouthercitywindowandIsayIwannabelikeherwiththeoldapartmentandmaybeshehasneighborsshedon'tlikebutundastandsemanywayandlistenstotheirthoughtwhilesippincheapteafromthemarketthatshewalkedtoyestadayandalsoboughtdishwashingliquidtobeusedforaverysinistauselay-taawnn????
Maybayyshegotsumthininher'partmentshedon'twantnobodytosee.

Summary

double canvas paves the compass needle swinging, cuts my world
in half and tick tick time is singing look at how events unfurled
map frame doesn't seem to cut it, no, you must put on a show
girl dance for us and we will judge your skills do nothing, then we go
for ice cream's good but bread is better but not with butter not with butter
up we swing till our universe dings to show its ready for our lies.

August

September
The busy
revel in
the rush
October
The lonely
weep in
the rain
November
We all
Try hard to give thanks
Through the bitter cold
Though the fire smold-
ers
Though we're getting old-
er.
Decemeber
She sees
her breath
On the
Win-dow-sill
Jan-
Uary
unwanted
fee-
lings in him
fester still.
Feb...ruary
we know the stor-
y from ano-
ther poem
So what if the ink spills on our page and we can't write of how we sob?
Or..
what if we don't want to remember how our hearts throb....
Each time we sing
Of March
And of parades in the morning
Recalling the harsh
Double whistle ding bang tick tock Ring.
April we stand on our porches and won-
der
How strange it is when one thing causes ano-
ther
to o-
ccer.
tis human...

you know,

to
err.
SaidHeToHer.
May brings
the factory smoke,
TheBrokenGlass,
in the window panes of
that old sweatshop/department store
So tell me
Call you tell me
What in June we are fighting
for?
So yeah
the geraniums which
all the neighbors
have.
they bloom and turn
grey
in my crazy dreamland way.
July
I found a closet
with ballet costumes
It was a green
Car-pet-ed room
and I barely even remember...
so it might have been ....
September
The busy
Revel in the rush...

internal workings

Guess what?
(What?)
Oh, you know, you're inside my head.
(You're getting excited over nothing)
So what?
(Nothing's going to come of this)
You're no fun.
(Life isn't always fun)
Well I can at least tell some people...
(Keep your mouth shut for once in your life)
......You know my greatest fear, then?
(Yes, and I agree)
But--
(He probably has a girlfriend)
I could knock her out of the picture in a second!
(Don't let this go to your head)
Yeah, well, all's fair in love and war...
(You've never even liked that saying)
It never applied to me. It's different now.
(Nothing's different)
Don't you get it? It's fate.
(No, it's desperation causing your mind to assume destiny out of a small coincidence.)
Oh, shut up.

Diminishing

Water droplets from the once-green ripe wild cherries hang by a thread
The wheelbarrow (black, this time) conquered by the invasive vine is slowly being crushed
The grass is like fall, like colors this time around
And I still don't know who I am.
But the sugar-plant still reaches tall and grows at amazing rates,
And the breeze is still light and calming and enlivening, though....
I still yearn to climb the strong cherry tree.
You know what I'm talking about.
Don't you?
The small treeling that yearned to grow with me when I was younger has been wrapped and choked by the reeds.
We tried to save it, yes, but it endeed up being a choice between it or me.
And who would rather save a tree?
So it is dead and gray but yet I live...
Reminded suddenly of the horrible beauty of this world.