I dream of welcoming you back like a pet on college breaks
When I can find my way through the mansion
to the comfiest room in my head.
For now my station wagon
Tumbles down county roads
In red skied towns with doors
To interstellar grottos
To the devil's womb-
I am just so far
From these matters right now.
Do you consider this an affliction?
My streetscape mind with pastel blocks and steps
Down to bookstore portals that lead me back to a cold
Sea trench
Swimming to distant moons
Wading through unfamiliar stars hoping
To feel a familiar Sun.
Roller coaster roads wind over forgotten billboard towns
Over Satanic elevator malls
Over steel beamed movie theaters on demolished blocks.
These nightmares hug me in the day-
I stare into the night and feel as mortal as a sheep
I stare into a bowl of cereal
And tremble like a god in human skin
Gripping my spoon
Forgetting how to swallow
I am just so far
From these matters right now.
Doubt is rooted firmly in me
Like a tree in soil
From the vacuum I was pulled into birth
To the vacuum I shall return
There is a pinhole in the wall of my brain
Slowly
evicting me
From within -
I am just so far
From these matters right now.
